Of all the things you can learn by starting a new project the most potent is the one where you slowly come to the realization that it’s not what you thought it would be. I have stories somewhere on this harddrive that never quite came together, never found their stride. A couple of them I rewrote over the course of several years and still never got it right. It happens. You move on.
Since I started this thing however long ago, I’ve never quite been able to pin down what I’m doing here. For some reason I still can’t articulate, that matters to me enough that it constantly bugs me. The fact that I felt too often that this space was a little more personal than I wanted it to be only added to that discomfort. The fact that there were too many things I decided not to put here because they didn’t “fit” (whatever that meant) only made it more frustrating.
If there’s one quality in people I admire, it’s knowing when to wrap it up. It’s time to wrap this up. I know I could leave this here for years and years and wander back to it when I felt like it, but honestly, what I liked about the form of a blog was the momentum I hoped it would have. That momentum seems gone. Not in a bad way, just in a washed up way. Time for a new…something.
I have no idea what the new something is, and to give this up is a little unsettling, but I’m not someone who hangs around for a sense of security. I feel like I’m supposed to go on and on, reflecting wildly, but I’m not going to give in to that, since I don’t know what else to say and anything I came up with would be a bit overblown. While this was fun to do, this blog and I never quite developed the attachment we needed for it to be sustainable.
To all of you who’ve read these posts, thank you. I’ve loved reading your comments, loved knowing people were reading this stuff, and endlessly appreciate your help while I tried to carve out this tiny corner of the void.